Lately God has been teaching me about letting go of my expectations. So often I find that I have this picture in my mind about how things should be, or should go, etc. For example, I had been training for months for the Nairobi half marathon. I trained well and was looking to finish in a certain time. Everything was going as planned until the last 5 kilometers or so- I was on pace for my time, but then I started to feel funny. With 2 kilometers to go, my balance was off and I was having a hard time focusing my vision- the finish line was nearly in sight so I kept going. Then… I’m looking up at eight paramedics and the local news camera. Apparently, my body needed more water than I was giving it and shut down for a bit. My blood pressure dropped pretty low, and I ended up on an IV. My little collapse occurred one kilometer (less than a mile) from the finish line. Not exactly how I envisioned things going.

That experience was disappointing, but it’s helping me begin to grasp how my expectations shape my view on life. My expectations of RVA and our role here, of what kind of husband and father I am or should be and on and on. When they end up being faulty or skewed, as they most often do, I get frustrated. A man here (much wiser than I) has challenged me to try something different. Instead of trying to make life fit my expectations, I should wait expectantly for God, trusting that he knows a bit more about how my life should go than I do. Sounds like a no brainer for sure, but it’s difficult to give up that control.

Here’s something I’ve seen recently. We recently had Spiritual Emphasis Week here. We bring in a guest speaker, and the intent is for the kids to have a time to reflect on where they are with Christ. The speaker really connected with the kids, and there was a clear sense that God was at work in some of our kids. One night the speaker gave the students an opportunity to stand up if they had made a decision to really own their faith and follow Christ for the first time. As I sat there expecting several to stand, more students than I could count stood simultaneously. Again, not how I envisioned that one. Here it is. We aren’t able to create realistic expectations. We/I don’t have the full picture. I wish I could describe to you what God is doing in the lives of our students here, but I just don’t know. I only know that great stuff is happening- I’ve seen complete changes in attitudes, accountability groups forming, students asking big questions and more, genuinely desiring to follow Christ.

I can create a little image in my mind of how life ought to be. One humbling race has helped me to see me as I am. I’ve been carrying this image of who I want to be since I was a teenager. I’m not even close. I feel as though I fail at following Christ more often than I get it right. I’m not the husband or the father that I want to be, and I know there is so much that I fail at with our dorm guys. Bottom line, I am not the man I want to be. Maybe God’s been trying to tell me that all along. I’ve been chasing the wrong things. I think that is what Paul was getting at in 1 Corinthians 1:27. It’s not about what we can do, but rather about the amazing things that God wants to do through us, despite us. And so, I’m trying to learn how to lay all my “stuff” on the table- my failures, my weaknesses, and all of the ways that I think that should be. I want to see each day with expectancy. God is great, great enough to use broken people like you and me to show the world his magnificence.

October was a busy month of soccer, Multicultural Day, Carnival, a dorm breakfast, and more. Be sure to check out the new pictures.

 

But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10